Sexy Reds & Blues in my Rearview. SHUT UP MOM!


Ok, so I follow Single Dad Laughing. I love reading his blog posts, and today was no exception.  I have a story of my own indeed…

So we had a crappy old 89 Chevy Celebrity that was a total rust-bucket. After 15 years on the road, my father decided it was time for it to be retired. It did, however, last longer than the 89 Suburban (which I learned to drive in) did, and was the car my three other siblings and I would have to cram into whenever we went somewhere with my parents. Oh joy. Not fun. Not fun at all.

We decided to take it off the road on the last day of the valid registration- but because my Dad was commuting to work and had the new vehicle, and they hadn’t replaced the second one yet… We needed a rental for the week. No biggie, right? Well… I was in my early 20’s at the time, and I’d drive Mom around when we needed to run errands most times. It was May 31st, and a hot day- completely atypical for New England at the end of “winter”, so Mom and I were enjoying the fact that the sun was not only out- but the 70-something degree weather was divine.

You know what that means, right?

Yep… Driving with ALL the windows down!

Back to the story. I was driving down our road, which is a 35mph zone, and doing well under 40. That’s typical for me- I don’t go fast on it because the cops are always looking for speeding idiots. We leave, and see a “Statie” parked in the little turn around at the bottom of the hill past our driveway…. Which is their favorite stakeout spot, since people come FLYING down the hill doing well over 35. I continue on my way, chit chatting with Mom and listening to the radio. Next thing I know, blues are flashing and I’m thinking “I *know* I wasn’t speeding excessively.”

Mom pipes up with  “What in the world does he want?!”

I’ll state for the record- I wasn’t going anywhere near 35 when I passed him… Maybe 25. Whatever. I grab the registration, and sit back to wait for the cop to saunter up. He doesn’t disappoint. But he’s tall. He has to lean down to talk to me, and as he’s doing such I’ve got Mom elbowing me in the side going “Boy, he’s cute!”. I tell her to shut up, and hand him the paperwork and my license and thought he’d start walking away.

Well, he would have… If Mom hadn’t leaned over me, wagged her finger, and lit into him “Officer, now she wasn’t speeding. You haven’t even told us why you pulled us over. What’s the reason?”

Officer was clearly flabbergasted. He said “Well, um… Uh… It’s the registration. You’re driving on an expired registration.”

I’m trying desperately to melt into my seat, since I’ve now just realized how dang cute the cop is and I look like a country bumpkin in a rustbucket. Great. Fantastic.

“… Now you wait just a minute here. The registration doesn’t expire until midnight tonight, so technically we’re still ok to drive.  Actually, we’re on our way to pick up a rental because we’re not re-registering this vehicle. So now what?”

Officer Hunk blushes a little bit, and turns… “I’ll be right back ma’am. Uh, ladies. I just need to run this through the computer…”

As if it hasn’t been bad enough so far, as he’s walking away Mom yells “HEY OFFICER- CAN WE GET YOUR NUMBER???”

He makes his escape without acknowledging he heard anything.
I turn to Ma and evil-eye-glare her. Proceed to chew her out while sitting still in the driver’s seat, so I won’t be tempted to either strangle her at this moment. My skin is the same bright-fuchsia color as my tank top, and I’m about ready to melt into a pool of mortification under the seat. I want to disappear.

Meanwhile, Mom’s happy as a pig-in-you-know-what.

After about 5 minutes, Officer Hunk comes back and there’s a paper in his hand as he’s walking back to RustBucket. I tell Mom if it’s a ticket, SHE’S paying for it. The tall cop leans down again, smiles at me and hands me my license and registration. I can’t see the other paper I know I saw. “Ladies, thank you. Everything checks out ok, and you can go now. I can’t give you my phone number, but you can have this instead. Have a very nice day.”

He hands Mom a “NH Troopers Save Lives” bumper sticker.
Mom thanks him, he smiles again… Walks back to his car. I watch him saunter back since I’m not going to waste a perfectly good opportunity to admire a man, and he sits there. Making no attempt to move.

I smile, put the car back into gear, and death-grip the steering wheel the rest of the way to the rental place. I don’t say ANYTHING to my Mother, though she just sits there and smiles. Smugly. On the way back home, she goes “You know he just pulled you over because he though you were cute.”

I evil-eye her once more.

Ahhhh Moms. What would we do without them?

It’s then, I notice, about an eigth of a mile before the turnaround at the bottom of my hill, there’s Officer Hunk giving a ticket to a speeding Masshole.


~ by Snarky Princess on February 9, 2011.

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